When I turned 17, I became the proud mother of a yellow leopard gecko.
At first, I didn't know what to name this strange little creature, but at the time, I was obsessed with the How to Train Your Dragon movie, so I decided on the name Hiccup.
I had no clue whether Hiccup was a boy or a girl, and neither did Pesmart, because Hiccup was too young for anyone to know the gender. I know assuming genders isn't the best thing to do, but I assumed that Hiccup was a boy.
As I began to raise this baby dinosaur of mine, I started to notice a few disturbing things about him. For one, his diet consisted of live mealworms and crickets. I was terrified of both, so feeding times were always a bit interesting.
Another thing was that as he started to grow, his tail got huge, almost as big as the rest of his body. And if you're wondering, yes, the PetSmartWorker did in fact warn me of all these things, I was just too excited to absorb any of the information.
It was a great demonstration of selective listening. YouTube University definitely came in handy. The strangest thing that this little creature did started to happen before I even knew what was going on.
One day, I had gone to feed Hiccup, and on my way to put the gross little mealworms in his tank, I saw what looked like a miniature glove. It was white and looked to be the same size as Hiccup's little lizard hand.
I didn't remember buying mini Michael Jackson style gloves for Hiccup, so I did some research. I learned that leopard geckos go through a 48 hour process in which they shed their skin.
This process begins with their skin taking on a dual color as the fluid forms under their old skin. Their eyes also start to look a little cloudy. All in all, the little guys start to look pretty rough.
Then, soon after, the gecko will rub itself against objects to peel the skin off. Once the skin is fully removed, the geckos will normally eat it to recover lost nutrients. This process can also be known as molting.
When I first realized what was happening, I was so confused. Like, if the lizard was going to need the old skin anyway, why did it still go through the uncomfortable process of removing it?
I knew that it probably wasn't Hiccup's choice, more of just a biological factor, but I was so confused. After doing more research, I learned that geckos shed to accommodate their growth, shed older damaged skin, and remove external parasites.
This metaphor wasn't perfect already.
Believe it or not, humans molt too, just not in the same way that geckos do.
I don't know about those of you that are listening, but I've had multiple times in my life where I went through this shedding phase, where I went through the uncomfortable process of things changing in my life. From a young age, I hated change.
Whenever anything in my life changed or required change, it made me feel out of control. Because if everything stayed the same, I knew it was going to happen.
I found so much comfort in the predictability that I didn't want to be anything more than I already was. But change doesn't always have to be a bad thing. Yes, it can be nerve-wracking and uncomfortable, but it happens for a reason.
When leopard geckos don't shed their skin, the skin that was supposed to shed acts like a tourniquet. It can cause eye infections and blindness.
It can also restrict blood flow, which can lead to tissue death and the loss of toenails, entire toes, or even parts of their tail. And no, I'm not trying to say that if you stay the same, you'll lose your toes.
But I am saying that the old skin will restrict and blind you if you don't shed it. I know, I know that sounds very dramatic.
I'm going to explain the scientific side of this so you don't have to depend on only metaphors to pick up what I'm putting down. All species evolve over time to adapt to the changes in their environment so that they can survive.
This process, driven by natural selection, genetic mutations, and environmental pressures, enables populations to adapt over generations.
It's kind of like that one assignment in middle school where they would have you create a little parcel type thing to protect an egg along with a parachute attached to the parcel. Then you would have to drop the parcel with your egg in it.
Whoever's egg survived got a good grade because the parcel that they designed was built well enough to protect the egg. It's the survival of the fittest type thing.
A few better examples include, when a population of bacteria is exposed to antibiotics, a few random genetic mutations may make them resistant to the drug.
These resistant bacteria survive and multiply, eventually creating a whole strain that antibiotics cannot kill.
The finches of the Galapagos Islands evolved differently shaped beaks depending on the specific food sources available on their specific islands.
Finches eating hard nuts developed stout strong beaks, while those feeding on insects developed long narrow beaks. During the Industrial Revolution in England, tree bark became dark and bicep.
Light colored moths previously camouflaged became highly visible to predators. Dark colored moths survived and reproduced, causing the population to shift toward a darker color over a short period to stay camouflaged.
Studies show that some lizard species in urban environments are evolving to have longer legs and different toe pads, enabling them better grip and speed to survive on smooth human made surfaces.
Every single species got the memo that we all need to keep evolving and adapting. Humans were also added to this evolutionary group chat.
Humans have been evolving both psychologically and physically since the dawn of time, and we continue to do so whether we realize it or not.
So if we've been doing it for such a long time, why is change still so uncomfortable? Why is it that when we start to shed our skin to reveal the new skin we've developed underneath, it feels so awkward?
The answer doesn't just lie in the predictability of change, it stands in the battle between our biology and modern norms.
Biology tells our brains that we must stay in groups because as early humans we relied heavily on being in a tribe for survival, while modern norms are telling us that we need to strive towards individualism and rely more on virtual connection rather than in person. This clash causes epidemics of anxiety and depression because the modern norm is ignoring our deeply rooted need for belonging.
Our biology tells our brains that we need to focus simply on surviving perceived threats, nourishment, and nothing else, while the modern norm is that we're constantly taking in a stream of global crisis.
Because of this clash, our brains have been adapting by developing new avoidance behaviors and apathy in order to protect our well-being. Biology tells our brains to keep our environments and routines simple.
Meanwhile, the modern norm is to continuously process vast amounts of new, rapidly changing information. This has required our brains to become more adaptable and multitask oriented, albeit with reduced attention spans.
Biology tells our brains to respond to rewards and stressors a certain way, but because of the rapidly changing manmade environments, our brains are having to adapt.
We are biologically having to learn to override primitive urges, like over consuming quick energy, or constantly seeking social validation using our executive functions.
Our environments, technologies, and societal structures change much faster than our biology can naturally mutate.
So with all of this scientific stress happening, how in the world are we supposed to deal with it? How are we supposed to build the mental strength to be able to hold all of this biological societal stress?
Our brains can't do push ups or pull ups, but they can be trained. Now, take what I'm about to say with a grain of salt, because I'm not some big shot doctor that knows all things brain.
I just happen to be a girl in my 20s that studies a shit ton of psychology and has been through a lot. Anyway, this training that I was referring to can also be known as neuroplasticity, or structural plasticity if we're being specific.
Structural plasticity is the brain's ability to literally change physical structure and create new synaptic connections, the microscopic spaces in our brains where brain cells communicate as a result of learning or environmental changes.
There are several ways that we can train our brain using this structural plasticity method. Just a few of them are one, noticing negative thoughts.
When stressful changes happen in life, practice rewriting the negative thought patterns by physically saying or writing down three positive or even just constructive perspectives. This helps so your brain doesn't default to anxiety every time.
An example of this is if you go through a breakup, your brain normally spirals into the, what's wrong with me? Why won't anybody love me? Rattle hole, which very valid, I've been there, done that.
But if you notice yourself starting to spiral, try thinking of the positives. And I'm not saying don't have emotions. It's important to feel it, cry your eyes out, scream, go to a rage room, do what you gotta do and process it.
But don't chain yourself to the negativity because it will in fact drag you down. Instead, look for the positive.
Maybe you broke up with the person that you thought you hoped would be the one, but now you're that much closer to actually finding your person. Now you have more energy that you can put back into yourself.
Now you have a better idea of what you want and what you don't want in a relationship. You don't have to go down the rabbit hole just because it's there. All right, on to number two, journaling.
Everyone always told me that I should do this, but I thought it was the most cringey thing ever. Then I started to do it, and I realized why I was being peer pressured so heavily. And I'm not talking about the Dear Diary style of journaling.
I'm referring to the emotionally vomiting Oliver Shea paper style. Which, yeah, it doesn't sound like the most attractive thing to do, so it's okay to do this one in solitude.
When you physically write out difficult emotions about a stressful event or situation for about 15 to 20 minutes daily, or just when you can, it helps your brain to process it.
Giving your brain space to process the big emotions is important because it takes some of that pressure off of your brain, which in turn gives it the room to carry other things.
It's understandable to have big emotions about stressful situations in life that's human, but don't let it drag you down. Next in line with number three, we've got brain yoga.
I really hope that I just put the image of a brain with tiny arms and legs doing pigeon pose in your mind. In all seriousness, what I mean by brain yoga is doing mental stretches that help your brain to be more adaptable to the unfamiliar.
These mental stretches require you to go out of your way and do things that are unfamiliar to you.
This could be learning a new hobby, brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand, driving a different route, going somewhere you haven't been before. All of these count.
When you do things that are unfamiliar to you, it keeps the neural pathways in your brain flexible because they won't always be expecting the same thing. Coming in at number four, we have what I like to call hopeful homework.
I know it's extremely annoying when people try to shove positivity in your face, but hear me out. In 2021, there was a study called the SHAPE study. Cancer patients were tested on a hypothesis.
The hypothesis being that hope is part of the medicine. During this study, 195 advanced cancer patients with high mortality rates took what seemed to be a simple survey.
But that seemingly simple survey was collecting data on the medical impacts of hope. Unfortunately, this survey did not give us the cure to cancer, but it did give us a little something.
Those that were expected to live at least two years, as opposed to the expectation of one year or less, this time frame being given by the primary treating oncologist had 41 percent lower mortality risk compared to those who were less optimistic.
This study also showed that the more hopeful patients were, the more likely they were to choose the more intense treatments, which would in turn lead to better outcomes in their treatment process.
Hope isn't the same as the golden sun drop flower from the movie Tangled with the powers to heal all, but it does bring light into the lives of those that have it. Hope is not just a psychological feeling, it's a neurological state.
When people are hopeful, the prefrontal cortex in the brain, the part that's in charge of goal-setting, problem-solving, and planning, shines like a diamond.
This positive expectation physically signals the brain to release a waterfall of mood-boosting neurochemicals. Bottom line, having hope does in fact make a difference.
So the next time someone tells you to think positive, even though it's annoying, it does have some impactful weight to it. To do the homework part of being hopeful, set small goals, practice gratitude, and focus on the things in your control.
Last but not least, we've got sleep. Believe it or not, this is arguably the most important one. Our brains are workaholics and don't know when to take a break, so even when we're sleeping, they're still up working.
We just don't realize it because, well, we're asleep. Without good sleep, neuroplasticity can't fully happen.
When we're training the brain on new things, especially difficult things like how to better deal with stress, good sleep will help solidify all the brain trainings.
Yes, the brain can strengthen new trainings while we're awake, but when we're awake, the brain is handling a lot more stress because it's trying to process so many things to keep us alive.
While we're asleep, the brain doesn't have as many things it needs to process, which allows it to focus on the new connections that are being built.
If you've watched the Inside Out movies, you know that at the end of the day, the little people that are controlling the girl's brain have a nightly reset routine.
During the routine, they take the memories from the day and either store them in a safe spot or discard them into the memory dump.
When I first saw this movie, I was so confused because how does a brain choose which memories to get rid of and which ones to keep?
The brain has a few cool things that it does behind the curtain, things that we don't even realize are happening. Believe it or not, our brains have security systems set in place. One part of these security systems is emotional tagging.
No, that doesn't mean your emotions are running around in your brain playing a game of tag, although that would be interesting to watch. Emotional tagging is kind of like when cows are tagged for record keeping and tracking purposes.
The brain goes through so many events during the day, so it has to herd memories and emotions in order to keep us safe.
The amygdala, otherwise known as the smoke detector part of the brain, tags experiences that are tied to high emotion as important. It will mark everything that you are experiencing with your senses along with that tag.
Then the next time you experience any of those senses, whether it's a certain smell, something that you see, something you hear, et cetera, the amygdala will send out a panic alarm through your whole nervous system. This is why PTSD is a thing.
Not everyone has experienced PTSD, but everyone has experienced little t trauma. Little t trauma refers to the everyday stressors. Bullying, friendship fallouts, financial stress, medical stress, loss of a pet, invalidation, et cetera.
All of these are examples of little t trauma. They aren't as severe as PTSD, but they're a great example of the brain's tagging system. Imagine this.
One of your family members ends up in the hospital. When you go to visit them, you hear the devastating news that they got diagnosed with a chronic illness.
Because of that experience and the big emotions that it provokes, your brain most likely went through the process of labeling every single thing that your senses were picking up on.
The smell of the hospital, the name of the person that gave the news, what you were wearing, every little thing.
Your brain will highlight all of these things with a bright yellow highlighter, then whenever you experience any of those sensations again, whether it's you wearing the same thing as you did that day, or being in the same town as where it happened, your amygdala will send out the something bad is going to happen alarm. This same thing happens to me sometimes. Okay, more than sometimes, it happens a lot. One example, which is a bit of a trigger warning, so speed ahead if you need to.
When I was a teenager, I ended up in the hospital for an attempt. Definitely not the best option, but it was the only one that I thought I had in the moment.
I'll spare you the extremely gory details and just say that I put a kitchen steak knife into my stomach. It was pretty bad, and I ended up having to get an emergency exploratory surgery so the medical team could see how bad the damage was.
Once I finally woke up from the surgery, the surgeon told me that the knife was a millimeter from piercing my liver, and that I was extremely lucky. It's safe to say that that news left a huge emotional imprint on me.
Anyway, while I was in the hospital, my nervous system was picking up on several things, and I didn't even know what was happening.
Now my anxiety spikes whenever I see my own blood, see fake gore and movies, smell iodine, I'm in hospitals or clinics, see hospital gowns or have to wear them, feel blood pressure cuffs, see certain types of window curtains, taste spaghetti.
Everything that happened in that hospital, my brain was picking up on so that the next time I experienced any of it, it could warn me that I'm not safe. As I said before, the brain has a very weird way of keeping us safe.
Like how am I supposed to explain to my brain that just because I'm eating spaghetti, it doesn't mean that my life is in jeopardy? I guess that my nervous system is just lost in the sauce.
In all seriousness, the brain chooses the memories that have the most emotional significance to better protect us. The brain is kind of like an overprotective parent that's trying to keep us safe all the time.
And sometimes you're not going to understand the safety system set in place.
Moral of the story, learning how to better deal with change is important, because it will be happening for the rest of our lives whether we like it or not.
It doesn't make the stress of it any easier, but it helps you to be better equipped to deal with the stress. It is important to recognize our psychological and biological needs as we go through this fast paced life.
Humans are not designed to stay the same forever, which sometimes sucks, but I didn't make the rules, which is both unfortunate and fortunate.
We are all going to have times in our lives where our metaphorical skin turns dull and it becomes time to get rid of it. It's understandable to want to hold on to that skin because we've been through so much with it.
But in order to keep getting better and evolving, we must move on to the next layer. I'm not completely leaving the old skin behind.
We can take the knowledge from everything that we learned while being in that skin and use it while being in the next. It's not eating it like losers do, but it is a way to consume it. Bottom line, change is hard.
It's more than okay to be frustrated, stressed, scared, confused, flabbergasted, et cetera. Those are all very valid reactions to this crazy shitstorm that we call life. But life is beautiful and change is part of that beauty.
Yes, change can be terrifying and uncomfortable, but staying the same for the rest of our lives would be even more so. Let this be a reminder to take what you can from the old skin and let it go.
Allow yourself to grow and become who you're meant to be.